Stress Management Through Controlling Your All or Nothing Thinking

by:  Dr Judy Esmondare

Stress and how your mind works  a powerful combination. When developing stress management and stress relief strategies you must consider the power of your own mind. Your mind decides whether an event is stressful and how much strain, worry, anxiety and fear you feel.

THE POWER OF YOUR THOUGHTS IN STRESS MANAGEMENT

So potent is your mind and thinking that it influences your mental attitude, psyche, beliefs and opinions about yourself and your stress reactions. In addressing stress in your personal life and formulating any successful stress relief and stress management methods you also have to work on your own mind.

TIME TO STOP THIS REALLY NEGATIVE THINKING

Here is one very powerful way of thinking or mindset that is guaranteed to increase your levels of anxiety and worry. This negative type of thinking is known as all or nothing thinking. It is a very destructive and only makes you even more stressed out.

ALL OR NOTHING THINKING IS VERY NEGATIVE

When you use all or nothing thinking, you consider everything in black and white terms. There are no in-between positions in your mind. This very distressing thinking can become all encompassing. It makes things much worse and more negative than they really are. To help you understand whether you use this type of thinking, here are 3 quick scenarios of all or nothing thinking. Can you relate to any of these scenarios?

SCENARIO 1 - WELCOME TO THE WORST WIFE IN THE WORLD 

In this scenario, it is your 4th wedding anniversary today. Your husband has not said anything to you regarding your anniversary before heading off to work. At the end of the day, when he returns home from work, you become distressed and shout at him because you believe he's forgotten your wedding anniversary. He holds back until you stop shouting and then gives you a gift that he was concealing behind his back. You then feel really guilty and with the assist of your own all or nothing thinking, you then resolve that you're surely the worst wife in the world.

SCENARIO 2 - MEET THE TERRIBLE PARENT

Your teenage daughter and son have been fighting about who will take the dog and wash him. You have had enough and you finally lose it and let both teenagers know they're lazy, inconsiderate and do not deserve to be living under your roof. Later on you feel awful as these were the very same words your own mother would tell to you. You had promised yourself that you'd never use these words with your own children. You now decide with the help of your all or nothing thinking, that you're a terrible parent and a failure in your role as a parent.

SCENARIO 3 - WELCOME TO THE ANGRIEST MANAGER

As the manager in your work setting you're perpetually being interrupted and disturbed by staff asking you for advice. You find it hard to focus with such ceaseless interruptions. Also, you can't get any of your own work completed. At the end of another interruption filled day, another staff member enters with another question. You've had absolutely enough. You snap and within the hearing of all other staff, you yell at this person to go away and to never come back and annoy you again. You afterwards feel upset about your outburst and fall into all or nothing thinking. You determine that you're the angriest and worst manager in the world and none of your employees will ever like you again.

MORE ANXIETY, STRESS AND TENSION

Do any of these scenarios seem very familiar to you? All these are cases of all or nothing thinking. Can you associate with just how destructive and nerve-racking all or nothing thinking can become? This sort of thinking and mentality puts you under more strain, stress and pressure. It's crucial for you to understand when you use such negative thinking and choose to stop this thinking taking up your thoughts.

CHANGING YOUR THINKING FOR STRESS REDUCTION

To defeat this sort of thinking, you need to really learn to change over your thinking and take control your own mind. So here is how to begin the mental process. Whenever you catch yourself using all or nothing thinking tell yourself the following immediately. Sometimes I make a mistake, occasionally I have a bad day and sometimes I lose my cool. But that doesn't make me a bad person. What is does mean is that I am human.

NEGATIVE STRESS NEEDS TO GO NOW

Now I can let go of these negative thoughts and instead choose to work on how to change my behavior in the future. These words will change your negative thoughts. You do not need to be the worst wife in the world, a terrible parent or a bad manager. You can just be human and learn to change your own behavior. Now you can focus on positive thinking and let go of all or nothing thinking and that negative stress.

About the Author:

Could you manage another 101 ideas on addressing your tress? Then our Director, Dr Judy Esmond invites you to snap up your personal copy of our popular 101 WAYS TO LESS STRESS GUIDE. At the Global Organization for Stress we have you so many excellent stress techniques to share with you by clicking on the link to our website http://www.gostress.com

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